Saturday, April 28, 2007

Thank you, Brady

After being drafted to play for the Cleveland Browns, Brady Quinn is moving on to make his mark on the NFL.

God knows he's made his mark on Notre Dame football.

School Records Held By Quinn:
Consecutive Completions
Touchdown Passes
Passes without an interception
Passing Attempts
Attempts Per Game
Passing Completions
Completions Per Game
Completion Percentage
Pass Efficiency Rating
Passing Yards
Passing Yards Per Game
Touchdown Passes
Passes without an interception, multiple games
Total Plays
Yards Gained
Yards Per Game
Points Responsible For
Points Responsible For, Per Game

Passing Attempts
Attempts Per Game
Passing Completions
Passing Yards
Passing Yards Per Game
Touchdown Passes
Total Plays
Yards Gained
Yards Per Game
Points Responsible For
Points Responsible For, Per Game

More important than his individual records, he put Notre Dame back on the map of college football, working tirelessly to improve himself every year, and leading his teams to improve over his career.

2003: 5-6
2004: 6-6
2005: 9-3, Fiesta Bowl appearance
2006: 10-3, Sugar Bowl appearance

But what I will remember most about Brady Quinn is the part he played in representing our University during my tenure here. I suffered with him as he struggled under Tyrone Willingham, and I rejoiced with him as he soaked in the knowledge from Coach Weis and transformed a BAD Notre Dame team into back-to-back BCS appearances.

And although I never met Brady, I was immensely proud of him today as he calmly handled the adversity of being passed over time and time again for players that he knows are not as good as him. But he did not pout, he did not complain. When asked pointed questions about his plummeting draft status, Brady remained calm and collected, and when his number was called, he was gracious and optimistic about his future.

Many Notre Dame players have displayed this same kind of poise and character throughout the years as well as Brady has, but Brady and I share one thing that I don't share with all those others:

Notre Dame Class of 2007.

Best of luck to you, Brady Quinn. Today you performed one last miraculous transformation in your stellar career - transforming a life long Redskins fan into a die-hard Browns fan.

Quinn drafted by Cleveland Browns

I thought that would be the headline in today's draft, but the road to the pick was a rocky one.

The Cleveland Browns traded with the Dallas Cowboys for the 22nd overall pick, picking up the QB they passed on 3rd overall.

With Joe Thomas coming in to protect him, this is a great windfall for the Browns.

Brady is hurting right now, but he is going to be happy when his emotions settle down. This is the team he grew up rooting for, and Romeo Crennel will take care of the defense there, so he won't have to do it all himself like he did at ND.

The Browns made a tough call taking Joe Thomas over Brady Quinn with the 3rd pick, but it ended up that they got their 2nd choice anyway.

This is enough to sell me on the program.

Go Bears! Go Browns!

Beat Redskins!

NFL Draft upset

Brady Quinn was passed on by Oakland - no surprise.

The Detroit Lions took a wide receiver with their first pick - been there, done that.

The Cleveland Browns had the option to take a Dublin Ohio native quarterback from quarterback U, who had played for one of the best friends of the head coach, and they are in desperate need of a QB. So, naturally, they would draft Brady Quinn.


The Browns drafted Joe Thomas, an offensive lineman, instead of the hometown hero, in a big upset.

Now the Bucs are on the clock, and they could take Quinn, despite their long-term relationship with Chris Simms and newly signed Jeff Garcia. Gruden has some ties to the Irish, and was in town last month to talk at the coaches clinic and work out Brady Quinn. He came away impressed, but can they really take a 3rd QB with that high of a pick?


The Bucs don't give into temptation, instead taking Gaines Adams, defensive end out of Clemson.

This puts Arizona on the clock, a team that just drafted a quarterback last year.

They will not draft Brady, but they could trade the pick.

However, my team (the Skins) is sitting right after Arizona, with the opportunity to make the move that would set them up on offense for a long, long time.

Of course, this also means that it is highly likely that my team will just plain piss me off, passing on the best QB to come out of college in the last 10 years to take some 20 year old defensive end.


My Redskins are on the clock, after the Cards took Levi Brown, OL from Penn State.

Brady is on the board, and he is the answer to all of our needs.

If they don't take him, I'll become a Bears fan.


Washington drafts LaRon Landry, safety out of LSU, thereby cutting the cord to my allegiances.

Heretofore I renounce my allegiance to the Washington Redskins, and declare that I shall now forever be known as a Bears fan (with the caveat that I might change that later in the day, depending upon where Brady actually goes...)


The Vikes pass on Brady as well, selecting the injury prone Adrian Peterson.

The plummet continues, as Atlanta is invested in Michael Vick.

It's looking more and more like Brady will be a Dolphin, playing under Cam Cameron. I hate this idea, as Cam Cameron is not a great head coach. At this point, I'm hoping that Brady falls to the Broncos, Giants, or Eagles so he can play for a good team.


The Dolphins pass on Quinn, taking Ted Ginn, Jr.

Now we are in a section where there are a bunch of teams that have solid QBs.

Where does this slide end?

Will I ever get to study today?

Has everyone in the NFL lost their damn mind?


49ers (#1 overall pick Alex Smith at QB) pass, no surprise.

At this point, getting into the middle of the 1st round, don't be surprised if a team like the Bears or Ravens decides to make a strong move to trade up and grab Quinn.

Quinn has been taken into the Commissioner's green room for now, away from the cameras, to wait out this weird turn of events. I'm so confused right now, I have no idea where Brady Quinn will end up going today.

At least I know he won't drop past Chicago.


Bills stick with J.P. Loseman, er, Losman, and take Marshawn Lynch.


Carolina trades their 14th pick to the New York Jets... intrigue, my friend.

Mangini is from the Parcells/Belichik family, but the rumor is that they are taking Leon Hall from Michigan.

We'll see what happens...


Jets take Derrell Revis, cornerback out of Pittsburgh (and not Leon Hall).

Pittsburgh takes Lawrence Timmons, a LB from Florida State.

Green Bay is looking for a successor to Brett Favre, but they played this game a couple years ago when they picked up a slipping Aaron Rodgers 24th overall.

Jacksonville is next on the clock after Green Bay, but they have Byron Leftwich and a solid backup in David Garrard. This is the weakest starting QB in this group, but still not a need for this team.

Then, Cincinnatti. Obviously, they aren't looking for a QB with Carson Palmer lighting it up for them.

Tennessee has Vince Young, their first rounder from last year, and the surprise success story in the NFL this year.

The Giants come after Tennessee, where they have quite a bit committed to the younger Manning, who hasn't really developed as they had hoped.

Then Denver (who has had a carousel of QBs lately) who are starting Jay Cutler, last year's top pick for them.

At this point, there is a distinct possibility that Brady Quinn goes 22nd overall to the Dallas Cowboys (I just threw up a little in my mouth).

Mortensen is reporting that the Browns are calling teams to try to trade back into the 1st round to pick up Quinn.

It's time to settle in for a long wait...


Brady won't be a teammate to his brother-in-law A.J. Hawk, as the Packers took Justin Harrell, a defensive tackle out of Tennessee.


The run of teams set at QB is coming to a close, as the next 3 picks are Jacksonville, Dallas, and Kansas City.

At this point, one of those teams has to take Brady Quinn.

The Cowboys, in particular, like to draft Domers. Romo is not the long term answer for the Cowboys, and Brady Quinn is exactly the kind of splash that Jerry Jones likes to make.

Still, I would have bet any amount of money that Brady would have been off the board by now.

We'll see how it goes.


Talk is heating up - the Cowboys are fielding calls from teams interested in trading up to get Brady Quinn.

They have 10 minutes on the clock - looks like Brady will go SOMEWHERE this pick.

Condoms vs. Mustangs

#2 Southern Cal Trojans


#15 Southern Methodist Mustangs


Description: A citizen of the ancient city of Troy, one of the city-states in ancient Greece, located in modern Turkey. More specifically, the warriors of Troy that battled in the Trojan War as described in Homer's Iliad.

Weapons: Chariot and spear.

Advantages: Ancient military training, armor.

Disadvantages: Technology stuck in, at best, approximately 1100 BC.


Description: a feral horse living on the western or southwestern plains of the US

Weapons: Hooves

Advantages: hardiness, grace, and speed

Disadvantages: as an animal, only has instinct to rely on, cannot use strategy.

The Fight

This isn't much of a fight - the Trojans have superior weaponry, intelligence, and technology. Although a Trojan would be most likely to capture and train the mustang to pull his chariot, this is a battle to the death. The mustang, despite being angry and powerful, can't get close enough to the Trojan to do any damage. The Trojan uses his spear to stab the brave horse, until the poor mustang bleeds to death.

-sigh- Condoms, er, I mean, um, Trojans

Thursday, April 26, 2007

For that matter, WTF is a Hoosier?

#2 Michigan Wolverines


#15 Indiana Hoosiers


Description: A large, land-dwelling nasty smelling weasel, also commonly known as a skunkbear.

Weapons: Powerful jaws, claws.

Advantages: A thick hide, and no fear of even much larger animals.

Disadvantages: No fear of even much larger animals.


Description: A hillbilly, basically?

Weapons: pitchfork, rifle, shotgun

Advantages: Not known for intelligence per se, but at least moderately more intelligent than your average animal. Some hunting experience.

Disadvantages: Clumsiness or awkwardness.

The Fight
The Hoosier heads out looking for some grub, rifle in hand. Just as he gets to the edge of the forest, he sees what he thinks is a skunk (by the nasty smell), and shoots it, hoping to get something to eat with his corn for dinner. As he fires, he steps into a gopher hole, and takes a chunk out of a tree, pissing off the varmint. Hobbling on a twisted ankle, the Hoosier turns back towards the barn, hoping to get some ice for his swelling ankle.
The wolverine, none too happy about nearly being shot, and chases after the unwary Hoosier. Just as the Hoosier gets to the door of his barn, the wolverine pounces on the Hoosier, who grabs his pitchfork as he is taken to the ground. He tries to stab the nasty smelling pest, but scratches over the thick hide, in the process skewering his own left arm. Howling in pain, he leaps to his feet while the wolverine continues to tear at the Hoosier's throat. The Hoosier tries to drown the wolverine in the nearby trough, but instead he slips and falls into the thresher, taking the tenacious Wolverine with him.

Both sides destroyed, forfeit the next round.

WTF is a Crimson Tide, anyway?

#1 Alabama Crimson Tide


#16 Air Force Falcons

Crimson Tide

Description: Red mud. I can't blame them for deciding to dress up an elephant instead of some guy covered in mud, but they aren't the Alabama Pachyderms.

Weapons: Ummm.... dirtiness?

Advantages: ???

Disadvantages: It's mud.


Description: A Falcon.

Weapons: Two talons and a beak.

Advantages: Flight - the dive and retreat form of attack can really be annoying.

Disadvantages: Size - falcons are large for birds, but still are by their very nature lightweight, with weak bone structures.
Intelligence - they are base animals, with little more than instinct to guide them.

The Fight
The Falcon flaps its wings, and the mud dries up.

The Falcon

Round 1 . . . Fight!

#1 Notre Dame Fightin' Irish

#16 Boston College Eagles

The Leprechaun

Description: A mighty pissed-off leprechaun with a golden dome to protect at the end of the rainbow.

Weapons: Usually just bare hands and pent-up fury. Sometimes they fight with a shillelagh, though.

Advantages: Very elusive - it is said that he cannot escape if you keep your eye on him, but the moment the eyes are withdrawn, he vanishes.
Cunning - he will outwit his opponents through trickery and obfuscation, often lulling them with their own greed
Camouflage - the green outfit is actually credited to their need to hide themselves from hostile humans.
Magic - it is unclear exactly what magical gifts leprechauns have, but the consensus seems to be that the magical abilities are used to aid their mischief by creating confusion in their enemy.

Disadvantages: Stature - actually one of the faerie folk of Irish mythology, they are very small in size.


Description: An American bald eagle.

Weapons: Two talons and a beak.

Advantages: Flight - the dive and retreat form of attack can really be annoying.

Disadvantages: Size - eagles are large for birds, but still are by their very nature lightweight, with weak bone structures.
Intelligence - they are base animals, with little more than instinct to guide them.

The Fight

The Eagle would swoop in, attempting to grab the Leprechaun with its talons and carry it away and peck it to death with its beak. The battle at first looks like it is going to plan, but when the eagle grabs the Lephrechaun and looks away, suddenly the cunning Leprechaun disappears and rematerializes on the back of the Eagle. As soon as the Eagle is close to landing, the Leprechaun viciously bludgeons the Eagle to death with his bare hands, having dropped his Shillelagh upon the initial attack.
Bruised and bloody, the Leprechaun emerges victorious.


The Leprechaun

Sidebar, your honor...

Inspired by a CBS Sportsline feature on mascots, I got to thinking about how mascots would actually fare against each other in a mortal cage match. I thought this would be a nice thoughtless diversion from law school finals, so I'm doing a multi-part tournament, Celebrity Death Match style, of top college mascots. (sorry, Irish fans, but the spring analysis has been shelved until after finals - too much work to do)

I disagreed with many of the seedings of the mascots in the CBS version and the omission of several teams, so I decided to create my own 32 team bracket, with traditional Irish opponents and historically successful programs (plus Indiana, because I can), seeded according to the team's historical ranking from College Football Data Warehouse, and roughly separated into North and South.

Here is the preliminary bracket:


1 Notre Dame Fightin' Irish
16 Boston College Eagles

2 Michigan Wolverines
15 Indiana Hoosiers

3 Ohio State Buckeyes
14 Navy Midshipmen

4 Nebraska Cornhuskers
13 Colorado Buffaloes

5 Tennessee Volunteers
12 Purdue Boilermakers

6 Penn State Nittany Lions
11 Army Black Knights

7 Pittsburgh Panthers
10 Stanford Cardinal

8 Washington Huskies
9 Michigan State Spartans


1 Alabama Crimson Tide
16 Air Force Falcons

2 USC Trojans
15 Southern Methodist Mustangs

3 Oklahoma Sooners
14 North Carolina Tarheels

4 Texas Longhorns
13 UCLA Bruins

5 LSU Tigers
12 Florida State Seminoles

6 Georgia Tech Yellowjackets
11 Texas A&M Aggies

7 Georgia Bulldogs
10 Auburn Tigers

8 Miami Hurricanes
9 Florida Gators

Each matchup will be broken down in individual posts during study breaks throughout finals week. Stay tuned.