I know it's barely 5 o'clock, but I found out I passed the bar exam at 8:30 this morning. I think I've shown great restraint waiting until now to begin drinking heavily. Due to the steadily increasing blood alcohol content, must warn my younger readers to turn away, as massive doses of obscenity and profanity is sure to follow. We are 0-4, after all, and I have much bitterness to vent. This could get very ugly, very fast. You have been warned. Seriously, change the channel. You may be corrupted.
Fuck Purdue. And their cartoony mascot, Purdue Pete. And that cardboard choo-choo they roll around the stadium. Fuck the baton twirlers. Wait - maybe not. Or at least double wrap your shit if you do. Even the gold one. And the black one. And the silver twins. They can take that tiny little "World's Largest Drum" and shove it up their pansy asses. If I wanted a carnival atmosphere, I'd go to Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey circus, not a college football game. Wake up, Purdue the rest of the world is laughing at you.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I don't care if they are 4-0. We own Purdue. Charlie owns Wilford Brumley. If Boston College is a safety school (and it is), Purdue is ITT Tech. Unless you are a farmer geek, and then it's a safety school.
I could go on for hours about how Purdue has no championships in any sport worth noting. Unless you count pistol shooting. But I won't, 'cause then I'd be accused of focusing on the past, rather than the present.
So let's look at this year.
We'll start with Curtis Painter, whose 16 TDs versus 1 INT this year have people thinking he's the next coming of Drew Brees. (Which is really sad and pathetic, if you think about it) But he's never faced a 3-4 scheme run by Corwin "I will kill you. Really. I'm not kidding. Dead. Really dead." Brown. And I know that Zibby is unhappy with his performance so far. He wants SO BAD to kill some one. Dead. Really dead. And he just might. He is too talented and too full of pride to take this shit laying down.
Kory "I pissed my" Sheets is no Tashard Choice, Mike Hart, or Jehuu Caulcrick. Heck, he's not even Austin Scott. He will get crushed by this improving front seven.
And don't get me started on the defense that just gave up 31 to hapless Minnesota.
Unlike our first four opponents, Purdue sucks. They haven't played anyone, and they will lose this game. I don't care how bad our offense has looked, and how we've had our butts kicked.
We lost to top line ACC power Georgia Tech, preseason top 5 Michigan, potential Big Ten Champion Penn State, and the perrenial thorn in our side Michigan State - without Johnelle to throw the game for them :(
Purdue isn't on that level. They may have their best team in decades, but that still means they are a middle of the pack Big Ten team. And we are better than that - even if we do have our youngest and most inexperienced team in decades.
We may not have a win coming out of these first four games, but we do have something far more valuable - experience against quality opponents. And we're getting better. We're making fewer mistakes. Giving up fewer sacks. Running the ball. Stuffing the run more consistently.
I say again, my friends, FUCK PURDUE.
Notre Dame 77
Wait a minute, I got a little riled there. How about something much more reasonable, like:
Notre Dame 24