Friday, September 07, 2007
Release the Hounds!
**WARNING: Parental Advisory, Explicit Lyrics**
Screw my past predictions. My damaged emotional psyche couldn't handle the crushing defeat last Saturday, and I lashed out against Coach Weis and the football team, predicting that they would lose to Penn Fucking State.
What the hell was I thinking?
This is Penn State, that wannabe team from out East who is coached by a fucking zombie, and lost to us 41-17 last year.
Robot Charlie is in control, and after a minor malfunction last week, he has realigned his gameplan and is ready to annihilate Joe Pa, and send him running for the crapper before the game even starts. He's drawn up a top secret, eyes only super plan that will make Star Wars look like child's play. He's gonna go inside 'em, outside 'em, inside 'em outside 'em, and once he gets 'em on the run, he's gonna keep on the run, and he ain't gonna stop until we get over that goal line!
Yeah, we had Brady Quinn, The Shark, and D-Walk last year, and they are all gone. But this year we have the NEW Golden Boy, making his world premiere as Notre Dame's quarterback - the big JC, the boy with a golden arm. He's going to come tearing out of the gate like a hellhound, bent on mass destruction. Jimmy C is going to crack open this passing game, throwing for 500 yards to 12 different receivers and 6 touchdowns. He's going to make the United States' "shock and awe" offense in Iraq look like firecackers. John Carlson is going to break the all-time single game NCAA record for receiving yards by a tight end in a single game.
James Aldridge, the baddest motherfucking Hoosier in history, is going to have his back, and will beat down anyone who would dare threaten Jimmy "Golden Boy" Clausen. And then Aldrdge is going to take that football and shove it down the throats of those overrated pansies at so-called Linebacker U. He's going to make big, bad Danny Boy Connor look like Mr. Fucking Rogers, running not just over him, but through him to the tune of 250 yards.
And when Penn State goes on offense, they are going to look worse than we did last week.
Tom Zbikowski is getting pissed off. He's getting angry.
And you won't like him when he's angry...
Morelli better not wander out of the damn pocket, 'cause Zibby is going to hit him so hard his momma cries. He's going to send that pansy ass to the fucking HOSPITAL. We're talking snot bubbles here, people.
Walls, Zibby, and Lambert are going to take turns running the pick 6 drill all over whoever Penn State trots out at QB. Mo Crum is going to eat Austin Scott for dinner, and then pick his teeth with the bones of an offensive lineman. Laws is gong to get 9 sacks all by himself just to make up for the offensive line's performance last week.
And to top it all off, Corwin Brown is going to put a lickin' on that damn Lion that'll make his hit on KeyShawn look like pee-wee football.
Good news, bad news. Bad news: Armando Allen is going to get only 5 touches. Good news: they'll all go for touchdowns.
I don't care about the so-called experts and their doomsday predictions. I don't care if Mark May thinks we'll lose by 18 touchdowns. I don't care if it's white-out conditions, or if it snows like Christmas fucking day.
This is Notre Dame football, baby, and if you think we're gonna roll over and die for anyone, you've got another thing coming.
'Cause what tho' the odds be great or small, ol' Notre Dame will win over ALL.
And on Saturday night, all her loyal sons will be marching onward to victory.
1-0 NOTHING ELSE MATTERS
Notre Dame 77
Penn State 0