Forgive the pictures on this posting, the best collection of helmets I could find was this website that sells miniature helmets, so I used their pictures when I couldn't find a decent picture elsewhere by default.
Again, I admit to some bias here, but the Irish get bonus points for not just having a gold colored helmet (like the golden dome), but for putting real gold flecks into the paint, and painting the helmets each week with fresh gold paint before the game. Besides, otherwise Michigan would have been first, and that happens over my dead body.
I hate Michigan, and the thought of them getting credit for doing anything well turns my stomach. However, the Michigan helmets are one-of-a-kind; creative, different, recognizable.
Ohio State's helmets are shiny, and don't go in for the cheesy "let's stick the logo on the side of the helmet" ploy. They get bonus points for the Buckeye pride stickers as well.
Alabama's helmets are legendary, and evoke the (ahem) "tradition" of Alabama football. I almost left them off the list entirely, because simply being included on this list means that they will claim yet another undeserved national championship. What does that put them at? 5,137?
There is no simpler design in college football, and no design that is more closely tied to the roots of the team. A non-nonsense blue collar football team deserves helmets that look like they came off the rack.
Those spears are just plain cool. And the helmets are shiny.
I don't know why. Wait. Yes, I do. Anyone with big enough stones to trot out on a football field with a pig on their helmet an proudly scream "Sooooiee!" deserves some recognition in my book.
Mostly, Southern Cal is getting credit for being Southern Cal, as they (like a bunch of other teams) simply stuck their logo on the side. But it's a cool logo.
I think Colorado State would have jumped up much higher for simply trying to be different, if not for the fact that they haven't won a football game in, like, seventy-bajillion years. But they made the list.
They may look a lot like the Notre Dame helmets, but these teams have more tradition and pride than any other schools in the country, and prove it by not cheapening their tradition with a cheesy logo.
Worst helmets ever:
Unlike their military academy brethren, the Air Force decided that a plain white helmet with a cheesy logo is better than something classy.
The "other" Div. I-A Catholic University, BC ("Fredo") are cheap knockoffs of Notre Dame on the field, and they wear cheap knockoffs of our helmets. They are like the little brother that wants to wear your clothes, even though he looks terrible in them.
It takes a special kind of hubris (or stupidity) to place a letter logo on your helmet that stands for university. Like someone forgot the M for Miami. Or just was so full of themselves that they figured only THEY were a REAL university.
They got high marks for effective marketing on their logo, but when it comes to class and style, this ain't it.
The second worse football helmet tradition in college football, the Gators helmet today, while tacky as all get out, is far superior to what it used to be:
I think I'm going to be sick...
However, the reigning champion of worst football helmets in the history of college football (despite any changes they attempt to make) goes to (drum roll please) ...
The University of Hawaii
Excuse me while I vomit.
Next week: Fight Songs